The maid of honor just puked.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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