That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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