It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize