Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
