I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
