so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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