I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
