this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
