my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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