apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
