sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
