I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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