I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
