Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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