So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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