my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
