yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
