I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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