Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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