I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize