I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
