Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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