i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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