Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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