He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
