Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Still dying that you shit outside
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
