Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
