were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
