I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
