we have officially lost it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
