Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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