I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize