I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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