if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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