There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
