I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
