The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
