1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I want is dick and wine.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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