the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
