I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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