There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
