WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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