in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
