There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize