At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I need to calm my uterus...
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