I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
