Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
