so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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