just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
