Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
