I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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