you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
