no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
