I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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