Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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