I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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