I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
