you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
