I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
