just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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