i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize