My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
