My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize