The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
