i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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