dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
