i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
