hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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