Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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