i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
i think i just lost a toe
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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