Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
