i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
