Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
