I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I forget how to act sober
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize