My room smells like vodka and shame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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