One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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