Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think your dad took our porno
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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