Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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