You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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