Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
