i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
