Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dicks are not precious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
