it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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