I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize