im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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