I didn't shave. On purpose
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
