Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
