Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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