You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize