I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
