id be glad to
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Is it because I queefed?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
