using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
